Friday, July 23, 2010
Bad Friday
Never thought there could be such a thing as a "bad" Friday, but I think this is it. If nothing else, it will serve as a reminder to me that the majority of my love and attention, and care and concern should and will always be spent on my family....not on my job. Jobs and bosses don't love you back, no matter what you do for them. It's all just a means to an end. And I DO recognize that I am not going to stop feeling this way until I find something that is not just a "job" to me, but a passion. And even after I find something I love to do, I'll still be disposable...that's just being realistic. It SUCKS.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Put 'em up!
Was just thinking today about bullies, after reading that internet bulling was going to be made illegal. Kids can be really cruel to one another, can't they? Adults can be bullies too, we just have less obvious, sneakier ways of doing it. Then, I though to myself...how often do we bully ourselves?? And more specifically, how often do we bully ourselves into silence??
I try to maintain the outlook that everything is best out in the open....sometimes people say I'm too honest. Somehow I've lost the need that I once had as a teenager, to change the facts and manipulate them into something more positive. Thank god! I think we all grow out of that...well, most of us anyway. There comes a time when you realize that life isn't perfect, and you're allowed to mess up..it's inevitable that you WILL mess up..it's part of the learning process. So, we embrace our mistakes, learn from them, move on, and hopefully we don't do the same thing again. I find that talking about my screw ups kind of takes away the power they have over me (I've said this before)..it's frees me from being a prisoner to my mistake. While I am good about letting go of these things, and talking about them without being ashamed, sometimes when it comes to my opinions or instincts or feelings, I clam up. It is my first instinct to say something, but I will literally sit there an convince myself not to, and what I realized earlier is that I'm bulling myself!! If I want to speak up about something I should! I shouldn't sit there and convince myself not to because it'll sound stupid, or someone won't want to hear it, or I'm being too sensitive, or I'm just being paranoid........I'm bulling myself into silence time and time again. I am who I am and if it's too much or too little of something for someone, then that's OK. I'm glad I can talk about my life, but if I can't talk about myself freely, then who will ever know me? I shouldn't have to think about what other people will think and then base what I say off of that.....that is TRULY being a prisoner to my little inner bully, and I really need to make a serious effort to change that!
That's my resolution for this summer, so wish me luck!
I try to maintain the outlook that everything is best out in the open....sometimes people say I'm too honest. Somehow I've lost the need that I once had as a teenager, to change the facts and manipulate them into something more positive. Thank god! I think we all grow out of that...well, most of us anyway. There comes a time when you realize that life isn't perfect, and you're allowed to mess up..it's inevitable that you WILL mess up..it's part of the learning process. So, we embrace our mistakes, learn from them, move on, and hopefully we don't do the same thing again. I find that talking about my screw ups kind of takes away the power they have over me (I've said this before)..it's frees me from being a prisoner to my mistake. While I am good about letting go of these things, and talking about them without being ashamed, sometimes when it comes to my opinions or instincts or feelings, I clam up. It is my first instinct to say something, but I will literally sit there an convince myself not to, and what I realized earlier is that I'm bulling myself!! If I want to speak up about something I should! I shouldn't sit there and convince myself not to because it'll sound stupid, or someone won't want to hear it, or I'm being too sensitive, or I'm just being paranoid........I'm bulling myself into silence time and time again. I am who I am and if it's too much or too little of something for someone, then that's OK. I'm glad I can talk about my life, but if I can't talk about myself freely, then who will ever know me? I shouldn't have to think about what other people will think and then base what I say off of that.....that is TRULY being a prisoner to my little inner bully, and I really need to make a serious effort to change that!
That's my resolution for this summer, so wish me luck!