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I just wanted to elaborate a little bit on the post below. I tackled a very broad topic in a short post. What I want to say today is how much enlightenment the awareness that I have control over all of my thoughts/emotions/actions & reactions has given me. Freedom of choice in all aspects of life. I have attained a certain peace in knowing that I may choose not to be hurt, offended, wronged, sad or depressed. I can dismiss forgiveness knowing that there was never a reason forgiveness was called for in the first place, other than my own personal inner turmoil.
That isn't to say that I never feel upset about anything, but being aware that I can ALWAYS redirect my thought process back to the positive is a constant comfort.
I've been cultivating this sort of manner of being for quite awhile, and I have been able to come to terms with a lot. I don't want to be misunderstood, because I don't just dismiss things..that would be denial. What I try to do is really spend some time breaking things down from all angles. Like I said below, when I do that I can realize that I am pondering an outcome. An outcome can not be changed, but the way I process it, the way I choose to feel about it is malleable.
It's not a new concept & I'm sure many self help type books would direct me to the same practices. There is something to be said for really learning the lesson though. I think I have, and I'm finally starting to get it.

The Illusion of Seeing With Your Own Eyes

My grandmother used to say that you can never believe what you hear, and only about half of what you see. This has proven to be true. I never believe what I hear, and while I can believe what I see in front of me, I can never assume to know. What I walk away with is what I perceive. It is becoming very apparent to me how much residual impact the way I choose to percieve things will have in all aspects of my life.
Perceptions have consequences, always. They can impart meaning, and influence decisions. Courage can be provoked, fear exposed, and wisdom simulated. We are continually given a choice about the way we perceive things, and yet we condition ourselves in a way that fools us into believing there is only ONE way to see things. I think that in failing to see that EVERYTHING is universally multifaceted, we assassinate our innate behavior of being inquisitive, and trade it for indifference and dismissal. It is the root of vast social discord in this country, and the rest of the world..and it's a choice. Life, and people are not, and will never be so facile.
There is never any one right person or thought or belief when you take the time to ponder something twice. What you thought were straight lines on a marked path become labyrinthine, and although you run the risk of getting lost, you also reap the reward of finding your own way out.

A big part of my personal growth in the last few years has been realization that nothing is indubitable.
Question everything.

Creeeepy

So, Brian found a gigantic spider that had spun a gigantic web reaching from our garage all the way over the the neighbors garage. It was UNREAL...which is why we took pictures.

I couldn't sleep last night because I kept thinking I felt something crawling on me!

Lets Call a Spade a Spade...A Prime Example of American Ignorance

I'm sure everyone has heard recently that there is the possibility of a mosque being built in NYC. Actually, it is a community center, which will include a mosque. The community center will be built two blocks from ground zero (not AT ground zero as many seem to think). This mosque (one of 100+ in the city for 1 MILLION Muslim worshippers) has garnered so much attention, and people are just crawling all over each other to fan the flames of what has turned into a very ugly debate....what IS and ISN'T "American". It's absurd. Someone please explain to me how it is "unamerican" to build a mosque in NEW YORK CITY. There's a mosque in the Pentagon! Please tell me how a community center will be "assisting terrorism" only because of it's location in proximity to ground zero?? St. Peters Church and the Museum of Jewish Heritage are actually closer to ground zero. If being defined as an American means punishing (and I don't mean that not building the mosque will be punishment, I mean the spewing of all of this hate that is currently happening) blameless Muslims for 9/11....then count me out. How can we justify being so blatantly discriminatory? Isn't that, in itself, unamerican? There is certainly NO shortage of religious extremists, but surely we can see them for what they are...deluded individuals, and not representative of the whole.
I would like to think that being American means acceptance (or at least tolerance!) of individual differences, and that everyone here who goes to school with us, works with, serves with us....is also an American, and equally entitled to their personal freedoms. The thing is, that doesn't seem to be the way that it works. I'm ashamed of the media for pegging this as the "ground zero mosque". I'm ashamed of the masses of uneducated, self appointed experts that spout off fallacies and perpetuate hate (hellooo Glen)....are these the true "Americans"?

Bad Friday

Never thought there could be such a thing as a "bad" Friday, but I think this is it. If nothing else, it will serve as a reminder to me that the majority of my love and attention, and care and concern should and will always be spent on my family....not on my job. Jobs and bosses don't love you back, no matter what you do for them. It's all just a means to an end. And I DO recognize that I am not going to stop feeling this way until I find something that is not just a "job" to me, but a passion. And even after I find something I love to do, I'll still be disposable...that's just being realistic. It SUCKS.

Couldn't resist..

She's getting so big!

Put 'em up!

Was just thinking today about bullies, after reading that internet bulling was going to be made illegal. Kids can be really cruel to one another, can't they? Adults can be bullies too, we just have less obvious, sneakier ways of doing it. Then, I though to myself...how often do we bully ourselves?? And more specifically, how often do we bully ourselves into silence??
I try to maintain the outlook that everything is best out in the open....sometimes people say I'm too honest. Somehow I've lost the need that I once had as a teenager, to change the facts and manipulate them into something more positive. Thank god! I think we all grow out of that...well, most of us anyway. There comes a time when you realize that life isn't perfect, and you're allowed to mess up..it's inevitable that you WILL mess up..it's part of the learning process. So, we embrace our mistakes, learn from them, move on, and hopefully we don't do the same thing again. I find that talking about my screw ups kind of takes away the power they have over me (I've said this before)..it's frees me from being a prisoner to my mistake. While I am good about letting go of these things, and talking about them without being ashamed, sometimes when it comes to my opinions or instincts or feelings, I clam up. It is my first instinct to say something, but I will literally sit there an convince myself not to, and what I realized earlier is that I'm bulling myself!! If I want to speak up about something I should! I shouldn't sit there and convince myself not to because it'll sound stupid, or someone won't want to hear it, or I'm being too sensitive, or I'm just being paranoid........I'm bulling myself into silence time and time again. I am who I am and if it's too much or too little of something for someone, then that's OK. I'm glad I can talk about my life, but if I can't talk about myself freely, then who will ever know me? I shouldn't have to think about what other people will think and then base what I say off of that.....that is TRULY being a prisoner to my little inner bully, and I really need to make a serious effort to change that!
That's my resolution for this summer, so wish me luck!