It’s been awhile! I’ve been short on time with Christmas quickly approaching, but I just wanted to jot down a thought I had when I was driving home from work yesterday.
Recently, I’ve been going through some adjustments. It can hit you pretty hard to realize that the future you have been daydreaming about for the past few years will not end up being your reality….but I suppose that is the consequence of being a daydreamer. I have been working through this SLOWLY, and although I have questioned every possibility and tried to figure out what things will be like in 2 or 5 or 10 years, I always come to the same infuriating conclusion, which is that I simply can’t predict it. Most people kind of already get that without putting themselves through the heartache I have over the past several months, but at the risk of sounding like I’m making excuses….my situation is a little different. Or is it? Have I been moaning to myself for all of these months trying to figure out how I am going to cope with something other than the “normal” that I had imagined without stopping to think that perhaps normal does not exist?? Normal could be equated to things like unicorns and fairies in my book…..some mythical creature that people try to convince you really exists when your young enough to maybe believe it, but then you get older and realize how ludicrous that notion really is.
So, today is a good day because I can laugh at myself a bit for being so ridiculous and remind myself how easy it is to become really attached to your fantasies of how things should be. The thing is, when it comes to people, personalities, relationships, love, illness, emotions, and life in general…..everything can change in an instant. Are we truly appreciative of what we have RIGHT NOW? Or are we dwelling on what we don’t have right now? I would like for my goal to be to appreciate the things about the people in my life that I have right now…not what I want them to be, or what I wish I could change, or how “abnormal” things seem to be.
Anyway, the culmination of all of these thoughts, as it occurred to me in my car is simple, and yet somehow staggering…If I can’t imagine my life with out him, then this is what it’s SUPPOSED TO BE. Everything that’s happening is and will always be manageable because at the end of the day I won’t feel short changed, or like I missed chances, or didn’t get to do something because of some limitation…I will never be burdened because I will always know how lucky I am to be spending my life with the one person I truly believe I was meant to spend it with. Some people NEVER find that, and I just don’t foresee any obstacle worth giving it up for.
PS: I don't know why but I feel like I should apologize to the 2-5 people that read this. It must get really old reading all about my epiphany's of what could be considered common sense to most people. I guess this blog is more for myself to read through and serve as a reminder of what I believe is really important, and the journey it took to get me to that conclusion. I realize it probably isn't a very exciting read!! Also, there are some gaps and lack of detail, but only because I don't think Brian would appreciate every detail of his life on display to the world, so I try to only express my personal opinions without invading his privacy.
Ok, that's it for now. Will write again soon...
