Thursday, January 28, 2010
BULLS...EYE
I'm noticing lately that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for bullshit. Does this qualify as "growing up"? hmmm...don't people say that with age comes wisdom? Maybe I am just acquiring the wisdom to differentiate the b/s. If that's the case, I am quite afraid of what will happen when I get older, because at this rate I might end up a very cynical old lady. That's a scary thought. I guess I had better work on dismissing the b/s, because something tells me it's not going to disappear in my lifetime. It is difficult to let go of sometimes because I think most of us have the need to learn and understand things, and in the general case of most b/s, this just isn't possible. It's confusing to try to delve into the b/s perpetrator's mind and make sense of the word vomit they have spewed, or the boggling act they have committed. Truly, it only makes sense to them, which makes any attempt at understanding on my part a complete and utter waste of time, which in turn cancels out any logical reason to give b/s or the b/s perpetrator even a single thought. Now that I have honed my radar and can identify b/s quickly and accurately I can only hope that it will be easier to remember to dismiss it promptly next time because IT HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME ALL DAY TODAY!!
Friday, January 22, 2010
A Moment of Clarity
I don't think anything else could be quite so rewarding as knowing exactly what the perfect course of action is for a very perplexing problem. After I spend all of this time working through a cloud of confusion to arrive at this place of clarity, I feel at peace. Many people find it through meditation & many through prayer. Usually I find mine in quiet moments of reflection.
Jeni Stephanek would refer to it as your "thin space", or the place where your spirit and God are in the closest contact & the veil seperating your essence from your being becomes transparent enough that the spirit becomes undeniable. Your spirit more or less shows itself to you, and you know it intimately rather than simply just being aware of it.
A truly great description for something that is so hard to put into words!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
MLK Day
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Martin Luther King Jr.
This is a quote Stephanie posted earlier, but I thought it was too good not to repost on my blog. I'm sure that each and every person on this earth can take this quote and apply it to some aspect of their life. There are certainly times that it seems MUCH easier for me to get angry and upset when people don't do or say what I expect them to, or when a situation doesn't go the way I had planned. Such is life, but when you are having a bad day sometimes the little things become amplified. It's embarrassing, but I think we all find ourselves a little snippy sometimes because we've had a bad day. The thing that I find to be askew is what I sometimes define as a "bad" day.
As the result of a nonviolent demonstration, Martin Luther King was arrested, his home was bombed, and he was subjected to personal abuse. I'd call that a bad day.
More recently, the earthquake in Haiti killed 140,00 people. Hundreds of thousands more are left with out mothers and fathers & are missing brothers & sisters. Their homes and jobs are gone. There is no food and barely any water. I'd call that a bad day.
Now I can say that I don't think I've ever had a "bad day" in my life. Certainly nothing that would warrant me walking around with a black cloud over my head, unable to smile, and pushing away the people that love me. Certainly nothing that would cause we to WASTE a day wallowing in my own self pity.
There are countless other examples throughout history that serve as a reminder to me of how ungrateful and somewhat spoiled we have become over the years. Somehow we've lost our way. We've managed to stop being grateful for what we have, and focus instead on what we don't have, and then we obsess over the quickest and easiest route we can take to get it because we have fooled ourselves into thinking that we NEED it. Our families, and relationships, and our HAPPINESS fall by the wayside in our hostile pursuit of these things. Constantly chasing after something you can never have only makes you tired. Sometimes I think I'm lucky because my legs got tired early on, and I stopped running after all of the things I thought I "deserved". I could not be more grateful that I stopped before I ran right past the things that matter.
I'm emotional today thinking about MLK, because he was a man who knew what mattered. I hope that I can take a little bit of his courage, and carry it over into my own life so that I can do right by the people I share this earth with, always appreciate the ones I love, and never fail to realize that each day is an opportunity to do something that matters.
Martin Luther King Jr.
This is a quote Stephanie posted earlier, but I thought it was too good not to repost on my blog. I'm sure that each and every person on this earth can take this quote and apply it to some aspect of their life. There are certainly times that it seems MUCH easier for me to get angry and upset when people don't do or say what I expect them to, or when a situation doesn't go the way I had planned. Such is life, but when you are having a bad day sometimes the little things become amplified. It's embarrassing, but I think we all find ourselves a little snippy sometimes because we've had a bad day. The thing that I find to be askew is what I sometimes define as a "bad" day.
As the result of a nonviolent demonstration, Martin Luther King was arrested, his home was bombed, and he was subjected to personal abuse. I'd call that a bad day.
More recently, the earthquake in Haiti killed 140,00 people. Hundreds of thousands more are left with out mothers and fathers & are missing brothers & sisters. Their homes and jobs are gone. There is no food and barely any water. I'd call that a bad day.
Now I can say that I don't think I've ever had a "bad day" in my life. Certainly nothing that would warrant me walking around with a black cloud over my head, unable to smile, and pushing away the people that love me. Certainly nothing that would cause we to WASTE a day wallowing in my own self pity.
There are countless other examples throughout history that serve as a reminder to me of how ungrateful and somewhat spoiled we have become over the years. Somehow we've lost our way. We've managed to stop being grateful for what we have, and focus instead on what we don't have, and then we obsess over the quickest and easiest route we can take to get it because we have fooled ourselves into thinking that we NEED it. Our families, and relationships, and our HAPPINESS fall by the wayside in our hostile pursuit of these things. Constantly chasing after something you can never have only makes you tired. Sometimes I think I'm lucky because my legs got tired early on, and I stopped running after all of the things I thought I "deserved". I could not be more grateful that I stopped before I ran right past the things that matter.
I'm emotional today thinking about MLK, because he was a man who knew what mattered. I hope that I can take a little bit of his courage, and carry it over into my own life so that I can do right by the people I share this earth with, always appreciate the ones I love, and never fail to realize that each day is an opportunity to do something that matters.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
6 Years lucky..
Yesterday was my 6 year anniversary with Brian. It sure does make you think back and to the future, and wonder what will happen. How will our relationship grow? Will we be 75 sitting on a porch swing holding hands and talking about the best times of our lives? We went to dinner last night and as I was enjoying my trough of bouillabaisse (that’s another story altogether) we were talking about what we’d like to achieve in the NEXT 6 years. Let me tell you, it’s going to be a busy 6 years!! I’m sure everyone in our families has realized by now that we are in no hurry to get married… we have goals we’re trying to work towards, and I think there’s a certain place you have to be in financially in order to feel comfortable taking that next step. I mean basically, for me, I don’t need to be married until I’m ready to have kids, and I’m not ready for that right now AT ALL! We’re trying to be smart. If we’re going to be together forever then does a few years really make any difference? I’m explaining this all because it doesn’t seem like a lot of people understand. I say we’ve been together 6 years, and people say “and why are you not married?”...
I have to admit it’s really annoying to feel like you have to justify not being married at 26. It’s not like I’m 50 people…..I don’t live alone with 20 cats and eat t.v. dinners every night! I’m simply trying to be smart about my decisions, but no….something has to be WRONG…it’s me, it’s him, blah, blah, blah. I hope that next year people can just say congratulations, but I'm doubtful.
I will no doubt breathe a sigh of relief when I AM married and our first anniversary comes around and people are just happy for us… no round about comments, or sneaky digs. Actually, that pretty much settles it! If ever there was a reason to get married, THAT MUST BE IT, RIGHT?????!
All sarcasm aside, I am lucky, and I feel that every day, and I am thankful EVERY day. We may not always be living the life that other people think is best for us, but it's OURS. We embrace it, we own it, and we are in control. I happen to think I am laying the foundation of what will turn out to be an amazing adventure!
The more I think about it (and I realize that I write about it often), I really do believe a major component of happiness, for me, is always making that effort to realize and be aware of the fact that it is completely unnecessary to compare myself to other people. It breeds unhappiness. It's when I compare my life to someone else's and think .."what do they have that I SHOULD have by now" that I fail to remember that everyone is on their own completely unique journey and that so many components are different it would be impossible to make any reasonable comparisons. I see people forget that, and actually strive to be the perfect mold of one another, and they do.....they achieve it on the outside, and by all appearances, but they could never have what I have because no one can really know them. People aren't flawless. The most freeing thing for me (and this may sound utterly strange)is talking about my mistakes, flaws and flops! It grounds me, makes me realize it's not THAT huge of a deal, and most importantly...it takes away their power!!! I'm not hiding mistakes to appear perfect and letting them manifest into the host of disasters they so often become (lies, affairs, cheating, manipulating, and general unhappiness).
I'd rather appear to be a disaster, and go to bed happy. :)
I have to admit it’s really annoying to feel like you have to justify not being married at 26. It’s not like I’m 50 people…..I don’t live alone with 20 cats and eat t.v. dinners every night! I’m simply trying to be smart about my decisions, but no….something has to be WRONG…it’s me, it’s him, blah, blah, blah. I hope that next year people can just say congratulations, but I'm doubtful.
I will no doubt breathe a sigh of relief when I AM married and our first anniversary comes around and people are just happy for us… no round about comments, or sneaky digs. Actually, that pretty much settles it! If ever there was a reason to get married, THAT MUST BE IT, RIGHT?????!
All sarcasm aside, I am lucky, and I feel that every day, and I am thankful EVERY day. We may not always be living the life that other people think is best for us, but it's OURS. We embrace it, we own it, and we are in control. I happen to think I am laying the foundation of what will turn out to be an amazing adventure!
The more I think about it (and I realize that I write about it often), I really do believe a major component of happiness, for me, is always making that effort to realize and be aware of the fact that it is completely unnecessary to compare myself to other people. It breeds unhappiness. It's when I compare my life to someone else's and think .."what do they have that I SHOULD have by now" that I fail to remember that everyone is on their own completely unique journey and that so many components are different it would be impossible to make any reasonable comparisons. I see people forget that, and actually strive to be the perfect mold of one another, and they do.....they achieve it on the outside, and by all appearances, but they could never have what I have because no one can really know them. People aren't flawless. The most freeing thing for me (and this may sound utterly strange)is talking about my mistakes, flaws and flops! It grounds me, makes me realize it's not THAT huge of a deal, and most importantly...it takes away their power!!! I'm not hiding mistakes to appear perfect and letting them manifest into the host of disasters they so often become (lies, affairs, cheating, manipulating, and general unhappiness).
I'd rather appear to be a disaster, and go to bed happy. :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
How to begin in 2010...
People always ask on New Years Eve what my resolutions are, and I never have an answer! It's taken me a week, but I think I have finally decided on some goals for the new year.
In 2010 I would like to:
- challenge myself to push the limits of my personal comfort zone more often
- take a dance class, join the Y, and start running long distance again. :)
- VOLUNTEER at least 3 hours a week
- Love like I've never been hurt before (borrowed from my mom, but it's a good one)
- search out my spiritual side...I know it's in there!
So, that's a start anyway. I will keep you posted on what I achieve and the baby steps I begin to take towards my new goals.
2010 is going to be an amazing year!!
In 2010 I would like to:
- challenge myself to push the limits of my personal comfort zone more often
- take a dance class, join the Y, and start running long distance again. :)
- VOLUNTEER at least 3 hours a week
- Love like I've never been hurt before (borrowed from my mom, but it's a good one)
- search out my spiritual side...I know it's in there!
So, that's a start anyway. I will keep you posted on what I achieve and the baby steps I begin to take towards my new goals.
2010 is going to be an amazing year!!
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