Tuesday, January 12, 2010

6 Years lucky..

Yesterday was my 6 year anniversary with Brian. It sure does make you think back and to the future, and wonder what will happen. How will our relationship grow? Will we be 75 sitting on a porch swing holding hands and talking about the best times of our lives? We went to dinner last night and as I was enjoying my trough of bouillabaisse (that’s another story altogether) we were talking about what we’d like to achieve in the NEXT 6 years. Let me tell you, it’s going to be a busy 6 years!! I’m sure everyone in our families has realized by now that we are in no hurry to get married… we have goals we’re trying to work towards, and I think there’s a certain place you have to be in financially in order to feel comfortable taking that next step. I mean basically, for me, I don’t need to be married until I’m ready to have kids, and I’m not ready for that right now AT ALL! We’re trying to be smart. If we’re going to be together forever then does a few years really make any difference? I’m explaining this all because it doesn’t seem like a lot of people understand. I say we’ve been together 6 years, and people say “and why are you not married?”...
I have to admit it’s really annoying to feel like you have to justify not being married at 26. It’s not like I’m 50 people…..I don’t live alone with 20 cats and eat t.v. dinners every night! I’m simply trying to be smart about my decisions, but no….something has to be WRONG…it’s me, it’s him, blah, blah, blah. I hope that next year people can just say congratulations, but I'm doubtful.
I will no doubt breathe a sigh of relief when I AM married and our first anniversary comes around and people are just happy for us… no round about comments, or sneaky digs. Actually, that pretty much settles it! If ever there was a reason to get married, THAT MUST BE IT, RIGHT?????!
All sarcasm aside, I am lucky, and I feel that every day, and I am thankful EVERY day. We may not always be living the life that other people think is best for us, but it's OURS. We embrace it, we own it, and we are in control. I happen to think I am laying the foundation of what will turn out to be an amazing adventure!
The more I think about it (and I realize that I write about it often), I really do believe a major component of happiness, for me, is always making that effort to realize and be aware of the fact that it is completely unnecessary to compare myself to other people. It breeds unhappiness. It's when I compare my life to someone else's and think .."what do they have that I SHOULD have by now" that I fail to remember that everyone is on their own completely unique journey and that so many components are different it would be impossible to make any reasonable comparisons. I see people forget that, and actually strive to be the perfect mold of one another, and they do.....they achieve it on the outside, and by all appearances, but they could never have what I have because no one can really know them. People aren't flawless. The most freeing thing for me (and this may sound utterly strange)is talking about my mistakes, flaws and flops! It grounds me, makes me realize it's not THAT huge of a deal, and most importantly...it takes away their power!!! I'm not hiding mistakes to appear perfect and letting them manifest into the host of disasters they so often become (lies, affairs, cheating, manipulating, and general unhappiness).
I'd rather appear to be a disaster, and go to bed happy. :)