Merriam Webster says that Spiritual is defined as: of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit.
Religion is defined as: (1) : the service and worship of God or the supernatural (2) : commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance2 : a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices4 : a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith
One of my resolutions this year was to seek out my spiritual side. I’ve been thinking about it, and the dilemma I’m having is defining it. The things that come naturally (and make the most sense) to me don’t fit into any one religion. Am I confusing spirituality and religion? Do they have to go hand in hand, or can I have one with out the other? Do I have to declare a God?
Here is what I know:
If being spiritual is being somewhat in touch with your spirit or the recognition that there is a piece of you beyond your body that answers to a higher calling, then I believe that, and have understood that for quite sometime. However, what inspires feelings of being spiritual or spirituality for me is the Earth. I’m not a hippie, too young to have seen the 70’s, and I do shower regularly……….but it is true that when I sit outside in the country, and I can hear the birds singing, and the wind slowly rocks the trees, and it’s QUIET like it must have always been before “civilization”…. in that moment, I feel the most connected to who I am, and where I came from. At those times, I am able to be acutely aware of what my purpose is. I can see in my minds eye the way things should be versus the way things are and feel inspired to make big changes. Now this is where I get confused….this seems like a religious expirence to me. When people go to church isn’t it to gain perspective on where they are spiritually? What can they do to better themselves, enrich their lives, create a better future for their children so that they may also see that there is a bigger picture? What I seem to lack is a named God. The people that go to most churches pray to a God, ask things of a God, carry out the will of a God, or try to live by the word of a God. There are strict guidelines that must be followed to be part of any religion wether it be Hindu, Christian, Muslim, Judaism, Islam…..these groups of people ban together based on common belief. My beliefs don’t seem to fit into any of these ninches perfectly. Perhaps organized religion isn’t for me? But then immediately upon thinking that, I think to my future kids. How will they be raised? What do I tell them? I was raised without being sent to a church every Sunday. I went with my grandparents on occasion. My fathers side of the family is Catholic, my mothers are Nazarene Christian (I guess…not sure how to say it properly). But neither mom or dad while together or separate, sent us to or put much emphasis on church. Church is where you learn about God. I think it’s safe to say that the church that your parents decided for you to go to when you are too young to decide for yourself is what you become. You don’t really have a choice. You only have the option to learn one thing. What I do not care for about organized religion is the misconception that some people seem to get that the one thing they learned is the ONLY thing for EVERYONE to learn.
So, here I am with a choice. Am I happy I have a choice? YES. Is it going to be difficult for me to try to cram myself into one of these molds? NO…because I don’t think I can do it! It was unrealistic for me to set a resolution for myself this year to “decide what I was” in terms of religion. You can’t make yourself believe in one year that a certain God is responsible for everything, or at least I can’t at this age. And it isn’t that I don’t believe in God either, because I do….I just can’t name him, and believe in my heart that all others are wrong. I could worship in a temple in India, a Catholic church, or do a ritual in the woods with an Amazonian tribe, and I would feel just as spiritually connected each time in each place. I think my “God” hears me and knows my heart in all locations just the same. Do I know his name, or his back story? No. I pray. My prayers just aren’t addressed as “Dear Jesus”, it’s more of a “To Whom it May Concern,”. I just don’t think that’s the most important thing here!! I think the important thing is to be grateful…endlessly grateful for everything we are given, and to realize it can be taken back at the drop of a hat. This leads to being thankful, and regardless of WHO your prayers of thanks go out to, most religions are united in this which makes me think THAT is the bigger picture here.
So, for the year 2010 that is what I’ll do. No one has to agree with me. Haha, I’m pretty sure no one reading this will agree with me and that’s ok. At the beginning of the year I thought I had to make a decision so I wasn’t just walking around believing in nothing. I didn’t want to call myself an atheist. The thing is, I do believe in something, always have, there just isn’t a church I can go to, and that’s ok. I don’t have to do an ennie meenie miney moe of the most popular beliefs and pick one to conform myself to. Although if I did, it would be Buddhism. Just sayin’.
Lastly, I love everyone for who they are at the core. This blog is, and has given me the chance to declare myself. It’s been nice. I bet some of you think I’m totally misguided, and really weird, and that’s fine. Sometimes I ask Brian about some of the things I write about, and it’s hard to get more than a few words out of him. He just doesn’t spend any of his time worring about anything that isn’t an immediate problem. I LOVE that about him. I love that we can be so different, and yet so unintrusive and respectful of each other. He’d let me do a rain dance around a fire every night if it would make me happy. That is the support that you need to explore yourself and discover who you truly are, and how lucky am I to have it?!! VERY VERY LUCKY!
